BREAKING BAD: Self-Acknowledgement in Leadership
“What is immediately rewarded is repeated. What is immediately punished is avoided,”
—James Clear, Atomic Habits.
“The Cardinal Rule of Behavior Change” emphasizes the importance of self-acknowledgement and kindness when you want to see a behavior change. This might sound obvious, and yet, it doesn’t always come easy. Especially to those who were taught that grind and pushing yourself hard are the only path to success.
From an (unhappy) executive in a blue-chip company to a movie producer in Hollywood
Several years ago, I was coaching an executive who was truly burning out. She engaged in coaching to understand why, after having graduated top of her class at a world renowned university and landing a key position at a blue-chip company, she was not happy. In her own words: “I can’t do this another day.” It was bad.
Yet when we looked at what she wanted to do, she was stuck. “I should have figured this out in college, not now.” Exasperated she’d insist: “I have no idea what I want to do aside from this!” She was so hard on herself that getting curious about what made her happy was really challenging.
Through our work together, she developed the ability to be kind and compassionate to herself and reduce self-judgment. The result of this small (yet enormous) inner shift allowed her to free up energy to wonder and be curious about her professional expression in the world, which was “liberating”! She also began to see positive changes in her relationship with her children—she was no longer pushing them so hard and began to get curious about them and what brings them joy.
Eventually, she left her stuffy job to pursue writing, went to film school and became a successful movie producer in Hollywood.
This isn’t to say that we ALL need to acknowledge ourselves just to find a new career path or make a major life change. It's simply that when we stop being rigid and hard on ourselves, it's easier to align with the things we want to do and be.
Self-acknowledgement goes a long way in supporting behavioral change. It becomes its own virtuous feedback loop. When we reward ourselves, we become better friends with ourselves and build internal trust, leading to more alignment and fulfillment.
At TMTT Leadership, we define self-acknowledgement as connecting with better parts of ourselves and appreciating them. When we do this well, we feel a sense of warmth and satisfaction.
This would be the very same for anyone else you would acknowledge. You would feel better through the act of acknowledging them.
A sustaining practice of self-acknowledgement not only contributes to personal growth, but also enhances our leadership skills. This allows us to lead with greater empathy, resilience, and authenticity.
Are YOU ready to practice self-acknowledgement?
THE Leadership Lab:
The Four A’s OF leadership impact
Our “5-minute-a-day” practice that supports you in learning, growing and strengthening your leadership skills.
This month, we are dedicating our practice to developing greater self-acknowledgement.
Action: For the next 2 weeks, write down 3 things you can acknowledge about yourself that have gone well today. This can be as simple as arriving to a meeting on time, eating lunch outside, or getting a walk in. Tip: Always include a metric (e.g., once a day, 3 times a week)—that which gets tracked, gets done.
Awareness: Through this practice of ______________ (taking lunch outside 3 times per week), I am becoming aware of ______________ (how refreshed I am afterwards). I’m also becoming aware of ______________ (how many people I connect with when I’m away from my desk).
Acknowledgment: I acknowledge and appreciate myself for ______________ (effort as well as accomplishment). In this case you might acknowledge yourself for simply keeping your word, prioritizing your health, or making connections with people outside of your department.
Accountability: I am sharing my insights with ______________ (a trusted confidant, boss, coach). I am also exploring further action with my trusted confidant, to keep steps 1–3 alive as a practice.
I invite you to share with me: what shifts for you when you include a bit of reward or self-acknowledgment into your daily life?
