Leading through fear, fire and a broken heart
While my heart is broken—I am grateful. We are safe. And, we are deeply grateful to the brave first responders who put an end to the LA Fires. We are deeply grateful for the resilience and strength of our community that is (amazingly) rising up to spite such sorrow. And most gravely, our hearts go out to our friends and the community at large who lost their loved ones, homes, business and more. If you would like to help, see the links below.
On January 8th at around 3:30 a.m. we fled the Eaton Fire to seek safety from hurricane winds and toxic smoke. Our power had gone out, and our house was filling with smoke. Once safely in a hotel, we remained glued to our local news-copter as the emergency alert system did not seem to be working, so we had no idea where was safe and what was happening. As hurricane winds were raging up and down the coast, we learned even our new location was in danger. Within 48 hours six fires ignited throughout Los Angeles. The Eaton Fire burned a mile from our home.
While seeking critical current moment information, it struck me as odd to hear politicians, city officials, and news anchors discuss rebuilding. The fires were at 0% containment, people were still fleeing, while fire-dangerous winds raged in countless counties … then it struck me.
I am watching our community process fear. We were all in fight, flight or freeze mode.
In my world, there is no “right” or “wrong” in how I respond—there’s only the “what is”. I also felt fortunate to already knew something else important about myself and my leadership.
Leadership is in the choices I make.
Amidst this crisis—and any critical moment we may experience—the most powerful thing we can do is pause, breathe, and CHOOSE what comes next.
Simple? Yes. Easy? No, I’m not finding this to be easy.
Dear reader, below are the tools I’m practicing to help myself and my family navigate through the devastation and heartbreak of our community. You’re life does not need to be set afire to benefit, as we’ll all find ourselves at one point or another in a fight, flight, freeze moment.
Exercise #1: Recognizing “where” you are in your leadership (2 minutes)
***FIGHT?***
Are you having the impulse to push back, take control, and act quickly? Are you seeing yourself dig in your heels, or demand answers … even while the “embers are still burning”? You may be in fight mode.
What to do:
Slow down. If this is a challenge see Exercise #2 below.
Recognize that you are safe in this moment. You are not in control of what goes on around you, yet you are in control of your choice at this moment.
Ask yourself: “What is one small, meaningful step I can take now?”
***FLIGHT?***
Are you wanting to escape completely from your as-is reality? Are you in avoidance, shutting down and wishing you could just cut the cord and leave it all behind? You may be in flight mode.
What to do:
Slow down. If this is a challenge see Exercise #2 below.
Remind yourself that you can handle your reality. You have what you need at this moment, to choose the next step in this moment.
Give yourself permission to take care of yourself first.
***FREEZE?***
Are you feeling paralyzed, numb, or blank, as if in a mental “white-out”? You may be in freeze mode.
What to do:
Slow down. If this is a challenge see Exercise #2 below.
Recognize that you don’t need to deal with the whole picture right now. We are not meant to metabolize all of life at once, ever. Life is lived one moment at a time.
Ask yourself: what part of reality can I let in right now? Go slow and go small—giving yourself permission to rest and retreat in equal measure while taking small actions.
Each of these responses—fight, flight, freeze—is natural. By recognizing which one shows up in you, you create the opportunity to respond differently and make choices from a more grounded place.
Exercise #2. Slowing Down (1 minute exercise)
AKA, “Executive presence comes when we’re being present.”
Try this:
Breathe in deeply + Breathe out, letting go of the past.
The past is already done.
Breathe in deeply + Breathe out, letting go of the future.
The future is not here yet.
Lastly, breathe in deeply + be here now.
Leadership begins here, what’s your clear next step?
This simple practice helps to calm the nervous system, reset the mind and make space for clarity.
Wherever this post finds you today, I hope these insights and practices serve as a reminder to take care of yourself in the midst of uncertainty.
Want to help those affected by the LA Fires? Here’s how.
https://www.redcross.org/donate/donation.html/
Displaced families in Altadena, California's first middle class Black community.
